Genre: PG-13, slash, worksafe, some moments of non-con
Pairings: Schuldig/Yoji, Schuldig/Crawford
Spoilers “Mission 21: Trane -- Memories” and “Mission 22: Miteid -- Final Reconciliation.”
Summary: Schuldig looks after Yoji.
Comments: Written for weissvsaiyuki week 1: Enemies. My title comes from “Satellite” by Nine Inch Nails, some of which applies to this story. Pre-reading by Rosaleendhu and Esinde Nayrall.
Drinking didn’t make Yoji forget Asuka’s death and his hand in it, but it took some of the edge off the pain. (Even though he deserved to be haunted). If he got drunk enough he really wouldn’t be feeling any pain. Oblivion would be wonderful. Just... blackness. Everything over. Done.
He raised the newest glass to his bartender in salute and knocked... whatever the hell he was drinking now back. It had stopped burning his throat three glasses ago. Life seemed so much simpler when he didn’t have to do anything other than smoke and drink.
The knee of the guy sitting next to him at the bar jostled his leg, distracting him. Rude. Yoji turned to him to tell him to sit farther away and stop bothering him but didn’t get a word out. Schuldig sat there smugly grinning at him, a half-empty glass in hand. His eyes looked brighter than they should have in the dimness.
Schwarz had tried to kill Weiß several times, and Yoji had been right next to one of them, drunk, for how long? “How long have you been sitting there?” Yoji asked, his voice squeaking a little at times. He had his watch on but hadn’t brought his gloves, so if he tried to use his wire he’d tear his hands apart.
“About 30 minutes,” Schuldig answered. “I wanted to see how long it took you to notice me. The alcohol and your misery made the wait bearable for a while. You have no sense of self-preservation.”
Yoji thought that maybe he didn’t deserve to live but would never say that to Schuldig, who would be thrilled to kill him. Schuldig wouldn’t give him the option of changing his mind. “I do fine.”
“Sure. You know, most heroes wouldn’t react to the damsel in distress refusing to be rescued by straight-up murdering her for it.”
“I didn’t--” But he did.
“I thought you were into protecting women. Unlike some people. Masafumi prefers his girls devoted to him, even if he has to brainwash them into it. Sometimes especially if they have to be brainwashed into it. You don’t want to know what he had done to Asuka to turn her into Neu--”
Yoji exploded to his feet yelling, “Shut the fuck up!” He didn’t want to hear that! It had to be a lie....
Although Schuldig just looked amused, everyone else in the bar stared at Yoji with varying degrees of caution or hostility. The formerly friendly bartender especially gave him a look to let him know that he should leave now. Knowing that he was in no shape to give a good argument, Yoji got his things and rushed out into the night, which felt cold after the humid warmth of the bar and left him feeling a little sick.
Schuldig, of course, had followed him. “She was a victim, Yoji. If taken to the right people she might have been helped. But you swept that idea off the table after she said she found you pathetic and loved Masafumi instead.”
“I tried to help her! I would’ve left the team and spent my life trying to help her!”
“Yeah, when it was easy and she seemed sweet and dazed. But when she became more difficult and--more importantly--said she didn’t love you anymore, you killed her for it, up close and personal. A bit of an overreaction there.”
That wasn’t why. That wasn’t why. “She was trying to kill me!”
“You couldn’t just knock her out and put her in restraints? Weiß might not be as competent as my team, but surely you could’ve managed that for the woman you loved and grieved so hard for, the woman you joined Weiß and became a killer to avenge. You know this. You killed her because it was easier than truly saving her and because if she didn’t love you she didn’t deserve to live.”
He knew this. He couldn’t get away from this. He knew what he’d done. At the time it’d seemed like the only way, the thing he had to do, and he had reasons, excuses, that made it sound less petty, vindictive, and selfish, but under it all he knew. He mourned her death and him being the one who killed her, but he also mourned something else he’d killed with her. He knew what he’d become. A lot of the time he managed to deny it and bury it under the pain and despair of everything else, but he couldn’t always manage that. He couldn’t manage it now.
Schuldig looked nearly drunk himself. “You’re no white knight, stalwart defender of innocents. You guys may be a delusional bunch in general, but this one is obvious so don’t bother lying to yourself. You’re a beast, like us. Ah, we’re at your car. Give me the keys.”
Wait, what? How did he? But-- “Like hell.” Schuldig didn’t deserve to even get in his car, let alone drive it.
“Give me the keys.”
Without thinking about, he handed the keys over before he even had a “Wait, no--” moment. Yoji lunged for Schuldig’s hand but Schuldig, grinning, just gracefully dodged him, while he stumbled off the curb.
“You’re so easy in this condition that it’s not even sporting,” Schuldig all but purred. “But so tasty.... Get in the car and let me drive. It’d be a waste if you died in a drunk driving accident. It’d cut into your suffering time.”
“You’ve been drinking too.”
“Nowhere near as much as you have. Besides, you don’t get a vote. Get in the car.”
Yoji suddenly found himself sitting in the passenger seat. He didn’t even remember opening the door or getting into the car. Next to him, Schuldig casually adjusted the driver’s seat and mirrors, obviously not worried that Yoji could hurt or kill him in close quarters. He’d show Schuldig he--
The next thing he knew they were a few blocks away from the bar, with Schuldig driving. Terror cut through his alcoholic haze. “Stop that.”
“I thought you’d like this: the oblivion you hoped for and someone else taking responsibility for your actions. It’s what you want.”
“I don’t-- Stop twisting things!”
“Are you going to cry again now? Just give up, Yoji. In this battle of wits, you’re even more unarmed than usual. You’re in such a helpless state that I could do anything to you and make you do anything....” Schuldig set his hand on Yoji’s thigh. “Don’t make so much trouble that you force me to give you examples of that ‘anything.’”
Squirming, Yoji quickly moved his leg away, and Schuldig thankfully didn’t try to reclaim it. “Mind control is the only way that anything would happen.”
Schuldig just grinned. “Don’t tempt me, kitten. Fortunately for you, you’re home.”
So Schwarz knew his car and his address. The team’s address. Why hadn’t Schwarz killed them yet?
“There’s a time and a place for everything,” Schuldig said as he parked. “Aren’t you going to invite me in? I could make you forget about her and show you the time of your life all night.”
For a dazed yet intense moment, Yoji considered it. Schuldig would become even more attractive without his loud clothes, and a mind reader had to have sex tricks a normal man couldn’t even imagine. His cock stirred in interest, having already been intrigued by that hand on his thigh. Yoji had killed the woman he loved and knew he deserved to suffer, to be degraded, for it, while Schuldig knew his worst secrets and would willingly provide. He could be honest with Schuldig in a way he couldn’t be with anyone else. Yoji could fuck the grief away....
Then he shook himself out of it and felt sick. What the hell had he been thinking? What had Schuldig made him think? He wasn’t even gay! “No! And get out of my car!”
“Usually I’d say, ‘Make me,’ and force you to try to follow through on it, but tonight I’m too mellow and you’ve already been a great feast.” Schuldig tossed the car keys into Yoji’s lap then quickly leaned in and kissed him. On the mouth, so hot.... “Those thoughts you had weren’t all from me, by the way. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.... Good night!” He got out of the car and walked away whistling. Just toyed with Yoji and didn’t even--
Yoji had a loaded gun in the glove compartment, while Schuldig might not be as alert to him now. He pulled it out and got out of the car... to see no one on the sidewalk at all. Schuldig had disappeared.
Shaking, he returned the gun to the glove compartment, got his keys, locked the car, and rushed to the front door. He could grieve, drink, and wallow in his room. Schwarz might know their address, but Yoji’s bedroom had to be safer than going out again, right?
He didn’t even feel drunk anymore, just sick and lost.
“So, did he get himself killed?” Crawford asked without looking up from his newspaper as Schuldig walked in.
“Nope, as you might already know, Magic 8 Ball,” Schuldig replied. “I gave him curbside service to his home and everything. Better than he deserves. Thanks for the warning.”
“Weiß doesn’t get to die until we don’t need them anymore.”
“It sweetens the deal for me when he’s so delicious in his despair.” It left him almost high and made him shiver all over. He felt so good. “No way I can let a car crash cut that short. Tonight let me tighten the screws on him, make sure he fully knows how horrible he is so he can really marinate in it. By the way, I’m horny as hell right now.”
“So you didn’t rape him.”
“It wouldn’t be rape since he’d want it, but I didn’t do more with him than flirt and tease, just as commanded.” Too bad, since it could’ve been fun.... “It was a sacrifice, but I knew what I had waiting for me at home. Fortunately for you, I prefer bad men who know what they’re doing and revel in how bad they are.”
Smiling, Crawford put his paper down. “Flatterer. Get over here.”